I realize everyone has opinions and this is just mine…

 I read on article online today about a woman in Ohio who mistakenly married her own father. The short rundown to this is that her mom had her when she was 15 and let her maternal grandparents raise her and apparently they never discussed her father…I guess. ANYWAY….She grows up and has kids of her own and then she meets a man and gets married. By her account they are married several years and have a good life when he passes away. Now, AFTER he passes away this women’s uncle comes to her and tells her a family secret. The secret is that this man whom she was married to was in fact her biological father!!! The poor women had a DNA test done AND sure enough this man she was married to was her biological father! Now I realize this particular case may be rare but none the less, had this ladies family been honest with her they would have saved her a lot of heartache and stress. 
 

Can you imagine what a child who doesn’t know their biological parent goes through?
 

These children don ‘t know because the family thought it would be best for the child or because they truly do not know. BUT, what I am sure that children who have been through this would tell these parents is that you should make every effort to find out and if you know you should tell your child and let them make the determination on what is right and wrong for them come adulthood.

It is truly different for those children who know. They can always choose to not look him up and say "He knows where I am, if he wants to find me it isn’t that hard" or they can choose to look him up. The point here is that those children have a CHOICE.

This choice is taken away from some children. The majority (I say majority because there are probably a few who do not feel this way) of these children grow up praying for a daddy. Feeling unwanted by that missing parent, daydreaming about what this parent is like, how many siblings they may have and what the holidays and birthdays would be like with them.  They wonder if there is someone out there who would have wanted to know them and be a part of their life had they only known this child existed.

 

This doesn’t mean that these children are ungrateful for the people in their lives, are not growing up with a good mother or didn’t have a good childhood. It doesn't mean they don't love and respect the step-parent who has taken them as their own (because they do).

 

 It means that because they are human like the rest of us this will always be in the back of their mind. To some degree they will never feel whole or fully wanted and they will never know where they come from or what traits they have inherited. They will walk this earth confused, depressed, angry and with an abundance of unanswered questions. In time they will realize that the reason they have to have an answer to everything that happens in life is because they don’t have the answer to one major question….. Where do I come from?

If you don’t tell a child who their biological parents are you are not only depriving them of important medical history, running the risk of them unknowingly marrying someone they are related to (Do I have to tell you that there are laws against inbreeding AND that it could produce children with serious birth defects??), BUT you are also taking away their RIGHT to know and their choice to contact that parent or not contact that parent. In making this decision for them you are emotionally scarring your child for life, without even realizing it….I PROMISE you this.

I have seen children go through this and have first hand experience with what I have written. If you have a different opinion …that is just fine, I respect that but don’t start an argument on here. Write your own blog and post your opinion there.

I realize everyone has opinions and this is just mine…..